It is very important that you avoid impossible arguments by simply building a rapport with someone. You can have deep disagreements with people yet still get along with them. This was proven at the “Difficult Conversations Laboratory” within Columbia University.
Psychologist Peter T. Coleman claimed that people can have productive conversations even in disagreement. He said the best way to do this is to build up goodwill with the person. When you can find common ground and agreeable material, that helps for sure. However, also just being able to talk to someone like they are human is terrific too.
People do not want to just be a person’s punching bag. This is why they are more willing to listen to friends about controversial topics over a random guy on Facebook. Their friend built up a good rapport. Therefore, they do not often have impossible arguments with their friend. See what we mean? A connection is incredibly important when you want to have difficult conversations with people.
Perhaps, the best people who do this work in Late Night Television. People like Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and previously people like Jon Stewart. Each man brought or currently brings extreme calm when discussing difficult topics with guests. Noah is likely the best at it today. Many of his guests get animated and he has to try to calm them down, often creating a great level of correspondence between both people.
He’s not doing this just so they will hear his point. He is doing this because it takes away the animation someone has. Instead of getting louder and causing essentially a screaming battle, calmness takes them down. Impossible arguments are created in these screaming battles. No one gets anything through and eventually, both will be too angry to listen to the other side.
When you aren’t screaming, you’re not attacking. You’re taking away any ability for one to be angry. They know when you’re calm that you’re listening to them. Even if you’re not, you’re sending that message. Therefore, they’ll be far more willing to listen to your points too. At this point, you’re not debating or arguing…you’re discussing. That is something we’re all cool with.