Controlling Nature

Those who leave abusive relationships often cite their ex-partner as controlling. This is not just women and men in abusive relationships who experienced this. Yet some men and women also claimed this about their ex-partner even when they were not being physically or mentally abused. Being controlling is literally the #1 most voted turnoff for all genders, so why do some people decide to do it? This is uncertain, as there are potentially several reasons why.

Some do not start off that way but become that way as a person gets jealous, assuming they might lose the person they are now attached to. Others might be controlling from the start, as that person has been cheated on in the past. Yet some people just have a controlling nature. Those people are the ones who are controlling in all aspects of life, which is a lot to deal with truthfully. This is why the “controlling nature” is one of the most toxic personality traits. Pretty much everyone hates it.

Blaming Others For Their Misfortune (Painting Themselves As The Victim)

It should be said that it is impossible for something to always be your fault, as that is a statistical impossibility for 99.99% of the population. But what is also just as unlikely is nothing EVER being your fault. This is why blaming others for your misfortune all the time is one of the most toxic personality traits one could have. It is possible that some stuff might not be your fault, but your position in life is often what you make of it.

Meaning, if you do the best you can possibly do then you’ll likely succeed. Yes, some get lucky and others might work less to achieve great things. Yet in spite of this, others doing well or even badly has nothing to do with you. Thus, blaming others for where you are is illogical and completely wrong. Never taking personal responsibility for your failures or misfortune is truly terrible. For you must take personal responsibility like this to grow as a human being. You’re not always the victim!

Lack Of Consistency

One of the worst things about toxic people is likely their lack of consistency. The reasoning for this will differ depending on the person, however. In our situation, we’ve invented our own toxic person as an example. This person will represent the base of the example on consistency. Essentially, they are known for telling you how they feel about things whether you ask for their opinion or not. They might even say they love the color red.

Thus, for their birthday, you buy them a red-colored shirt. Potentially even one that you know they wanted. Yet now, they don’t “feel” the color red and tell you to take it back. A month later, they now own the red-colored shirt. What gives? They presented one of the most toxic personality traits, in not being consistent about their feelings. This can happen to some with mental disorders too at times, so do not always assume toxicity. Yet you’ll likely be able to tell the difference pretty easily.

Gaslighting

Possibly one of the worst things a person can do to another outside abuse is gaslighting. Many women have referenced how their ex-partner used to gaslight them, putting a major mental strain on them. Ultimately, gaslighting truly is mental abuse at the end of the day. What happens is that the abuser, in this case, will make their victim of abuse question the true reality around them. This will affect a person’s judgment and often make them feel like they are to blame for all misdeeds.

Did he cheat on you? No, of course not. He did not cheat, he just sought emotional satisfaction from another because you were not able to give him enough. Does that sound insane? Good, because it is. A person will feel like they are losing their sanity, as the true reality they see around them does not seem to match what the person is saying. For some reason, people accept this false reality possibly out of love or affection. However, it is all a lie to keep you on a leash. Gaslighting truly is one of the most toxic personality traits and a form of abuse that no one should have to be put through by anyone.

Judgemental

It is good to use judgment at times, as you need to be able to judge a lot of things in life. If nothing more than for your own safety or those around you, it is clear one needs to be smart about their decision-making. Proper judgment can be helpful in accomplishing this. At the same time, however, using judgment can go over the top. This is when one becomes “judgemental,” a truly terrible thing to be.

When this occurs, a person is being excessively critical of others. Many often even ignore their own flaws yet feel as if they can point out the flaws of others in a negative way. This can make it seem like the person just takes some sick joy out of making fun of others, even to their face. Being judgemental is, naturally, one of the most toxic personality traits known. If you ever meet a toxic person, you’ll see right off how critical they are of others while believing they are God’s gift to mankind.

Takes More Than They Give

We already referenced that many toxic people only give when they feel they must for some reason. It is never out of purely good morality, rather, out of the idea that giving will help them in some way. If there is nothing in it for them, they do not seek to give…ever. Yet they will be more than happy to take, especially from those they have been able to have some sort of control over. They might happily give out of good morality, which the toxic person clearly knows. As a result of this knowledge, they can take advantage of others.

This is sadly where the good-hearted person is put in a bad place. They want to be helpful to those around them, but they will be taken advantage of by toxic types. How do they balance this sort of thing? Some manage it well while others do not at all. Hence the “toxic” part in all of this, where something good is infected with something bad. One of the most toxic personality traits, taking more than giving, has allowed a person to take advantage of another. Making them question whether their good-hearted nature should continue. It should, it always should.

Incites Drama

There are some people that seem to need drama in their life at all times. You have likely met someone in your own life that seems to be a walking reality show, as drama follows them wherever they go. Yet this drama, just like reality shows, is often manufactured and not real. A person often creates something dramatic out of nothing. For example, let’s say you’re late for work because you woke up late. Not the best excuse, right? You could walk into the office at work, be honest, and face the consequences. However, you could also dress up or lie about the ordeal.

Uhhh…your car gave you trouble (you had to really get gas on the way), and your alarm clock did not go off like normal. Others might dramatize little stuff, like how someone said in passing that your dress looked nice. Oh my, they just hit on you and wanted you so bad, but you turned them down. They have been after you for a while (they said hi twice), and it feels kind of stalkerish, so you’re getting a restraining order. While wacky, this is how it can be with people like this. Hence why this is one of the most toxic personality traits one can have. People hate being around people like this, it’s just too much all the time.

Encourages and Actively Works To Cause Codependency

There are some people that are so selfish that they cannot let a specific person have their time taken up by anyone else. It causes them to force codependency. This means they will try to force a person to only be connected to them and almost force a person to sever ties with other friends and even family members. Of course, this comes off as controlling but it goes beyond that. They want to psychologically affect a person so much, they’ll believe this person is their only friend.

That makes them completely dependent on this person, causing them to give 100% of their time and attention to them. Of course, that was the goal here. They might even train a person into believing the world hates them and friends as well as family members never cared about them, truly. It is a form of mental abuse, for sure. Forcing codependency like this is horrible, which makes it one of the most toxic personality traits one could have.

Self-Centered

In school, we’re taught that the Earth spins on an axis and revolves around a big star we call the Sun. It is basic, 1st Grade science everyone tends to learn early in life. Yet some toxic people must have ignored this, as they believe the Earth revolves around them. Many toxic people are known for their selfish or self-centered ways, where they do not care one bit about other people. They only care about themselves.

If their best friend and wife were hanging on a ledge, and they could only save one, they’d likely let both of them fall as they order a pizza. That’s a dramatic example, but it is truly how these people are. No problems other than their own count, the health and safety of others will never be their concern. Wait in lines? Not them, they are too important for that. To know someone like this can be weird, as you see them glide through life assuming the world caters to their movement through life.

Dishonesty/Lying

This should be obvious, but lying is rarely ever a good thing. Of course, while this is one of the most toxic personality traits one can have…one does not need to be “toxic” to lie. We often see this happen among kids, and it is usually done as a way to fit in with their peers. If there is nothing exciting about them, they need to come up with something to seem special. Hence, the reason for those lies.

Yet as we grow up, there is rarely a need to lie. Some might still do it if they have social problems, causing them to lack many if any friends. However, there are others who just lie for no real reason. It is part of their personality to do so, and that is when things become toxic. You also can never truly know when they are lying or telling the truth, making them incredibly untrustworthy. A certain public figure was known for this, making most dislike him because they saw through the lies.

Negativity

Both men and women have claimed that one of the biggest turn-offs to a person is an overly negative mindset or personality. It makes sense, as nearly everything comes with a Debbie Downer-like attitude. You cannot tell them anything you hope to get a positive reaction about, as they won’t be happy for you. This makes it hard to be friends or romantic partners with people like this as any good news you’re excited about will be met with absolutely zero joy.

We want others to give us joy and positivity back when we tell them exciting things about us. It is part of human interaction, and we all truly need this. That is also why a more positive attitude makes a person more likable. You WANT to tell them happy news because they will give you happiness back. You might even feel comfortable telling them bad news as they will try to spin something positive out of it to make you feel better. Overall, a negative attitude or personality is like a black hole. No one wants to be caught up in that.

Manipulative

We should first reference that people who successfully manipulate others often tend to pick targets that are much easier to manipulate. This happens in politics all the time. A person can get involved and reference things people agree with. That builds up faith or confidence for you with that group. Then you sprinkle in fakeness or lies, and since you already have them buying that you believe as they do, they are more likely to believe you.

Yet in the real world, being manipulative takes more creativity and targets are sometimes hard to spot. The hardest to manipulate is a generally curious person, as they will never truly believe you unless they do research first. Yet easier targets can be taken advantage of often. That is why this is one of the most toxic personality traits. Those who were manipulated will naturally never want to be around the manipulated again. That makes this one of the few things one can do that, if caught, instantly ends any conversation or relationship for most.

They Bring Out The Worst In YOU

Your parents may have prevented you from hanging out with a specific friend. They might have even encouraged you to find other friends besides them. If this happened, they likely saw how that friend was changing you for the worst. As we age, our parents are not there to spot things and keep us from bad friends. We have to know how to do this for ourselves when we reach adulthood. Yet that is not always an easy thing to do, as some toxic people may not present as technically “toxic.”

Rather, they will appear normal yet slowly start to affect you. While family and friends can see the clear change, it is not always possible for you to see it for yourself. Truly, one of the most toxic personality traits is the ability to change others to bring the worst out of them. This is done for a few reasons. First, to make you act wrong enough to get others to say something to you about it. Then to use that to fuel wrongness in other ways, allowing them to manipulate you. See? It all works together for toxic people. They are like an infection while these traits are the symptoms. Remove the infection, get rid of the symptoms.

SOURCES:

American Psychological Association (APA)

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Association for Psychological Science (APS)

Harvard University

University of Rochester

Psychology Today

Huffington Post

Vox

Very Well Mind