12 Things Not To Say To Someone Who Has ADHD and 8 You Should Definitely Say

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12 Things Not To Say To Someone Who Has ADHD and 8 You Should Definitely Say

By Chu E. - June 5, 2025

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects millions worldwide, influencing focus, organization, and daily life in profound ways. It’s more common than many realize—impacting children, teens, and adults alike.
Because ADHD is often misunderstood, the words we choose can either support or inadvertently hurt those who live with it. Mindful communication is essential. The wrong phrase can reinforce stigma or frustration, while the right one can foster understanding and connection. Let’s explore what to avoid saying—and what to say instead—to truly support someone with ADHD.

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1. “Everyone Gets Distracted Sometimes”

12 Things Not To Say To Someone Who Has ADHD and 8 You Should Definitely Say — A split illustration of two brains, one tangled with distractions and the other clear, highlights the impact of comparison. | Image source: Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels

Comparing ADHD to everyday distraction overlooks the genuine neurological differences those with the disorder experience. According to the CDC, ADHD affects brain development and activity, making focus and impulse control much more challenging than occasional lapses in attention. This phrase can feel dismissive, as if ADHD is simply a lack of willpower. Instead, recognize that ADHD’s challenges extend far beyond typical distractibility and require true understanding.

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2. “You Just Need to Try Harder”

Telling someone with ADHD to “just try harder” dismisses the very real executive function challenges they face. Research highlighted by ADDitude Magazine shows that ADHD impacts one’s ability to plan, organize, and follow through—not their willingness to put in effort. People with ADHD often work much harder than most realize, yet still struggle. Such comments can leave them feeling frustrated and misunderstood, rather than motivated or supported.

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3. “ADHD Isn’t Real”

Denying the reality of ADHD undermines decades of scientific research and the lived experiences of millions. The American Psychiatric Association recognizes ADHD as a genuine neurodevelopmental disorder with significant impacts on daily life, relationships, and self-esteem. Such statements can feel invalidating and isolating. It’s crucial to acknowledge ADHD as a legitimate condition, deserving both understanding and respect.

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4. “You’re Just Lazy”

Calling someone with ADHD “lazy” is not only inaccurate, but deeply hurtful. Executive dysfunction—a core feature of ADHD—makes it difficult to start, plan, or complete tasks, regardless of motivation. According to CHADD, these struggles are neurological, not a result of poor character. Such labels can erode self-esteem and discourage those with ADHD from seeking help or self-compassion. Understanding is always more helpful than judgment.

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5. “Why Can’t You Just Focus?”

For someone with ADHD, maintaining focus isn’t a simple choice—it’s a neurological challenge. As explained by Understood.org, ADHD affects how the brain manages attention and regulates interest. People with ADHD may experience inconsistent focus: sometimes hyperfocusing, other times struggling to concentrate at all. This question can feel accusatory and overlooks the unique ways ADHD brains process tasks and distractions.

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6. “Did You Forget Again?”

Highlighting forgetfulness can feel shaming to someone with ADHD. According to the Mayo Clinic, memory lapses are a common symptom of ADHD—not a sign of carelessness. Frequent reminders of their forgetfulness can chip away at self-confidence, making everyday interactions more stressful than supportive.

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7. “You’re Just Making Excuses”

Accusing someone with ADHD of making excuses ignores the legitimacy of their symptoms. ADHD presents real, daily hurdles—these aren’t fabricated reasons to avoid responsibility. As Psychology Today highlights, invalidating remarks like this can intensify feelings of shame and perpetuate stigma. Acknowledging the reality of ADHD is far more constructive than questioning someone’s motives or integrity.

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8. “You Don’t Look Like You Have ADHD”

This statement relies on harmful stereotypes about what ADHD “looks like.” In reality, ADHD can affect anyone, and its symptoms aren’t always visible. As ADDitude Magazine explains, people with ADHD often mask or compensate for their difficulties. Judging by appearances alone can invalidate their experience and discourage openness about their struggles.

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9. “You’re Too Smart to Have ADHD”

Intelligence and ADHD are not mutually exclusive. Many highly intelligent or “gifted” individuals also have ADHD, facing unique challenges that often go unnoticed. According to CHADD, gifted people with ADHD may use their intelligence to compensate, masking symptoms but still struggling internally. This myth can prevent proper diagnosis and support, leaving people feeling misunderstood or overlooked.

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10. “You Shouldn’t Take Medication”

Telling someone with ADHD to avoid medication dismisses their unique needs and the importance of medical guidance. For many, medication is a crucial part of symptom management, improving daily functioning and quality of life. The CDC emphasizes that treatment plans—including medication—should be personalized and decided with healthcare professionals. Respecting these choices supports autonomy and acknowledges the complexity of ADHD treatment. Unsolicited advice can feel judgmental, rather than supportive.

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11. “You’ll Grow Out of It”

While some believe ADHD is just a childhood phase, research shows it often continues into adulthood. The National Institutes of Health reports that many adults experience persistent symptoms. Minimizing ADHD as something one will “grow out of” can invalidate lifelong challenges and discourage seeking necessary support or treatment.

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12. “Can’t You Just Sit Still?”

Restlessness and hyperactivity are hallmark symptoms of ADHD, especially in children and teens. Asking someone with ADHD to “just sit still” ignores their neurological needs and can feel both dismissive and exasperating. The CDC notes that this symptom is not a matter of choice—offering compassion, not criticism, is key.

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13. “How Do You Even Get Anything Done?”

Assuming people with ADHD can’t be productive overlooks their resilience and resourcefulness. While ADHD brings unique challenges, many develop creative strategies—like timers, reminders, and structured routines—to achieve their goals. Understood.org highlights that, with the right supports, individuals with ADHD can thrive in work, school, and life. Doubting their abilities only adds to unnecessary stigma.

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14. “You’re Overreacting”

Emotional regulation is often a significant challenge for people with ADHD. According to ADDitude Magazine, dismissing their feelings as “overreacting” invalidates their experience and can intensify emotional struggles. Empathy and understanding are far more helpful than minimizing reactions that are, in fact, part of ADHD’s complex symptom profile.

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15. “Everyone Has a Little ADHD”

Saying “everyone has a little ADHD” trivializes the serious, clinical nature of the disorder. While many people experience occasional distraction or restlessness, ADHD is a diagnosable condition with significant impacts on daily life. CHADD stresses that ADHD goes far beyond normal forgetfulness or fidgeting. Minimizing it in this way can make those affected feel unseen and misunderstood.

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16. “You Seem Fine to Me”

ADHD is often an invisible condition, with many symptoms hidden beneath the surface. As Psychology Today notes, someone may appear composed while still facing internal struggles. Judging by appearances alone can invalidate their challenges and discourage honest conversations about what they truly experience each day.

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17. “You Shouldn’t Use ADHD as a Crutch”

Suggesting that someone is using ADHD as a “crutch” can instill shame and undermine their need for valid support or accommodations. According to Understood.org, seeking help is an act of self-advocacy, not avoidance. Such remarks often discourage people from requesting the resources or understanding they genuinely need to thrive.

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18. “You’re So Random”

Impulsivity and rapidly shifting thoughts are common symptoms of ADHD. Describing someone as “random” can come across as dismissive or belittling of these genuine experiences. ADDitude Magazine explains that understanding the roots of impulsive behavior is more supportive than simply labeling or judging it.

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19. “Why Are You So Disorganized?”

Organization can be a persistent struggle for people with ADHD due to difficulties with executive function. According to CHADD, challenges with planning, time management, and prioritizing tasks are hallmark symptoms of ADHD—not personal shortcomings. Questioning someone’s organization skills can feel critical and unsupportive, rather than acknowledging the real obstacles they face each day.

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20. “Can’t You Control Yourself?”

ADHD is not a lack of willpower—symptoms like impulsivity and difficulty with self-control are rooted in brain chemistry, not choice. According to the CDC, these challenges are central to the disorder. Questioning someone’s self-control can feel accusatory and overlooks the neurological basis of ADHD. Support is far more helpful than blame.

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21. “I Believe You”

Offering validation—simply saying “I believe you”—can be incredibly powerful for someone with ADHD. As Understood.org notes, feeling truly heard and understood helps counteract stigma and self-doubt. This phrase reassures them that their struggles are real and that their experiences are recognized.

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22. “How Can I Help?”

Asking “How can I help?” demonstrates empathy and a genuine desire to offer practical support—not criticism. This simple question opens the door for collaborative problem-solving and shows that you’re on their side. According to ADDitude Magazine, supportive partnerships can make a real difference in managing ADHD challenges together.

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23. “I Appreciate Your Strengths”

Recognizing and appreciating the unique strengths of someone with ADHD—like creativity, adaptability, or resilience—can be deeply affirming. As Psychology Today points out, focusing on positive traits helps balance the challenges and builds self-esteem. This encouragement reminds them they are valued for who they are.

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24. “Thank You for Sharing With Me”

Expressing gratitude for someone’s openness—”Thank you for sharing with me”—recognizes their vulnerability and trust. As CHADD explains, acknowledging these moments can make a person with ADHD feel genuinely heard, respected, and supported. It encourages honest dialogue and strengthens your relationship.

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25. “I’m Here if You Need to Talk”

Letting someone know “I’m here if you need to talk” offers ongoing reassurance and support. According to Understood.org, this kind of availability can help reduce feelings of isolation and encourage open communication. It shows genuine care, letting them know they’re not alone in their journey.

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26. “Your Feelings Are Valid”

Reminding someone that “Your feelings are valid” reassures them that their emotions are understood and accepted. ADDitude Magazine notes that emotional validation encourages open communication and helps reduce the shame or self-doubt often linked to ADHD. This simple statement can offer comfort and foster a stronger sense of trust.

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27. “I Admire Your Creativity”

Many people with ADHD possess exceptional creativity and innovative thinking. Saying “I admire your creativity” can help boost their confidence and remind them of their valuable strengths. According to CHADD, focusing on positive attributes like creativity fosters self-esteem and encourages continued self-expression.

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28. “I’m Proud of You”

Hearing “I’m proud of you” can mean the world to someone with ADHD, especially when they often face criticism or doubt. As Understood.org shares, celebrating both big and small achievements helps reinforce self-worth and motivation. Simple acknowledgment can be a powerful source of encouragement.

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29. “Thank You for Trusting Me”

Acknowledging trust—by saying “Thank you for trusting me”—shows appreciation for the courage it takes to share personal struggles with ADHD. ADDitude Magazine notes that recognizing this trust helps strengthen your relationship and encourages future openness. It’s a simple, powerful way to honor their vulnerability.

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30. “It’s Okay to Ask for Help”

Letting someone know “It’s okay to ask for help” normalizes seeking support, whether it’s accommodations, therapy, or understanding from others. CHADD emphasizes that reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. This message helps reduce stigma and reminds them they don’t have to face ADHD alone.

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Conclusion

Mindful, supportive communication can make a profound difference for someone living with ADHD. The words we choose can either deepen stigma or foster acceptance, empathy, and resilience. By avoiding harmful phrases and embracing encouragement, we empower others to thrive and feel truly understood.

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Disclaimer

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling with ADHD, please consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalized support and guidance.

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