We're Rolling Our Eyes At How Ridiculous these Vintage Technology Ads Are

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We’re Rolling Our Eyes At How Ridiculous these Vintage Technology Ads Are

By Monica Gray - October 29, 2022

Cash Registers

One of the most hilarious ads on this list claims it made a whopping discovery by creating a cash register that “figure your change!” No more needing any math skills. It goes on to say, “these registers complete the cycle of protection for both customer and store. They show, at the top of the register and on the receipt, that every step of the sale is handled correctly.” That sounds like an intense discovery of that time, considering it’s completely obsolete nowadays. We’re happy with our iPhones and built-in calculators, thanks (Pinterest).

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Sensimatic

This was a typewriter ahead of its time. These hilarious ads claim their piece of technology is the greatest thing ever invented when it’s the complete opposite. It says you get a “completely jam-free operation even at the top typing speed of nine characters a second.” You’ll have many different options, new flexibility, and new automation. What could get better than that? Not only is the text entertaining, but the woman in the photograph takes the cake. We’re unsure of how she relates to the typewriter, but for some reason, they thought she’d be a good fit (Pinterest).

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Panasonic Speaker

These hilarious ads love playing on words. This one, in particular, says, “don’t listen to squares. Listen to Stones, Doors, Steppenwolf, the whole AM scene.” We appreciate their cleverness in promoting their radio, now completely obsolete. It goes on to say that “it may be a ball, but this radio’s no toy. It’s all Solid State. Has a speaker powerful enough to blow your mind.” If only they knew the sort of speakers we have today, their minds would be blown. They even say “another feature our little oddball has for you. The price. It’s as hip as the shape.” It must be a pretty affordable piece of technology, then (Pinterest).

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Hairdryer

This is one of the most hilarious ads on this list. The woman alone makes the entire ad. She looks like she’s about to go on a mission to outer space. We can’t imagine this hairdryer existing today, and frankly, we’re glad it’s obsolete. On a side note, is it safe to be on the phone while using that hairdryer? They claim their hairdryer “dries hair fast, is quieter, more comfortable than any other home hair dryer on the market.” It works just like a professional hairdryer, though we’re not sure who would want that in their bathroom. It would take up way too much space (Pinterest).

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Transportable Cellular Phone

Look at that chunky piece of technology! These are the kinds of hilarious ads we can appreciate, considering we’ve come such a long way since then. We’re not sure how this is portable at all, but it claims it is. It must weigh several pounds. We wouldn’t even bother carrying around a phone if it looked like that. It costs a whopping $1199. That’s as much as an iPhone! It has some great features and accessories that make it stand out from the rest of the crowd (Pinterest).

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NuTone Intercom Radio

This ad claims you can “put music in your walls,” and have “music all through your home.” We don’t want to put music on our walls if it looks like that, and are pretty happy with our tiny speakers that are probably ten times more powerful than that was. The woman in the ad seems happy with her musical walls and even demonstrates how to use them. Honestly, it’s a good thing this technology is obsolete nowadays. They took up way too much space and were obnoxiously large (Pinterest).

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Scrabble Sensor

This is “the world’s first space-age word game,” where you can “have fun trying to outsmart the built-in electronic brain!” That game looks like it belongs in outer space on another planet, like Mars. Who thought of that design, and how do you even use it? It doesn’t look like any fun at all. They say it’s “another name for fun and games.” At least the fun and games have come a long way since then because if that was our only means of entertainment nowadays, there’d be something seriously wrong (Pinterest).

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Pocket Camera

It looks like this is one of the first waterproof cameras invented. It can “take it when others can’t,” which means it can take photographs of people in the water when other cameras can’t. That’s quite clever, and we appreciate anything waterproof. The photographs of people using the camera are funny, and it says you can “take the camera snorkeling or sailing, climbing or camping, skiing or surfing, and lots of other places.” That’s a bold claim! Not many cameras except the GoPro can even do that nowadays. Maybe this is the ancestor of GoPro (Pinterest).

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Mini Tape Recorder

There’s nothing mini about this tape recorder. It has “automatic shutoff, dual-power, and pushbutton recording,” which makes it one of the top pieces of technology back then. It’s priced at forty bucks, and you can save $20. That thing looks incredibly robotic and not something we’d want to carry around (Pinterest).

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Motorola Portables

Is this an ad for a music player or lingerie? She seems content sitting with her portable music box on her bed, but it looks like she’s trying to promote something different. It’s one of those hilarious ads that make us laugh. It even says “you’ll be proud of the beautiful styling of the sturdy, weather-resistant cases. Make your choice the choice of millions.” It is stylish, although a little too big for our liking (Pinterest).

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The Searcher 7000

Again, we’re seeing one of the most hilarious ads on this list. She looks like she should be in an ad for The Terminator, given she’s half-naked and holding a piece of technology that looks like it belongs to a robot. It looks like it has a powerful sound system, though, and was certainly one of the best pieces of technology for that time. This ad doesn’t capture the essence of the stereo, though (Pinterest).

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Boom Box

This ad claims you’ll get “boom box fever” with this piece of obsolete technology. Maybe the family in the photograph has boom box fever. That doesn’t sound like something we’d want to catch it sounds pretty unpleasant. They have an “electronic showplace” and a bunch of different designs. At least the family looks like they’re getting a lot of enjoyment out of the boom box, given they have boom box fever and all (Pinterest).

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VPR-5

This woman looks like she’s on her way to a huge space mission. It only weighs fifteen pounds, which is the weight of a small child. That doesn’t sound appealing at all. How could you possibly carry around fifteen pounds on your shoulder for longer than an hour? Talk about back pain! The woman in the ad seems content, though, and looks like she’s ready to carry around that VPR-5 all day. These hilarious ads think they found some of the best technology out there, but are obsolete (Pinterest). (Pinterest).

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Phonemate

This is the “automatic telephone answerer,” which is “so nice to come home to.” They didn’t have any iPhones back then, so there was no way they could respond to a quick text message. Back then, they had to jump through way more loops than we do. It even says, “you play them back leisurely, enjoying the happy talk, the familiar voices.” Happy talk sounds a little bit strange, but we’ll go with it. It’s just one of those hilarious ads that don’t make that much sense (Daily Mail).

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Portable Color TV

The woman’s face in this ad is the most hilarious part of it. Just look at that smile! It looks a little bit too fake for our liking. How do you even use that thing? It looks like you need a lot of skill to operate it. They reduced their prices, so you only have to pay $327.88. Compared to what we pay for televisions today, that seems extremely cheap. But they always say, you get what you pay for! (Daily Mail)

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Electronic Calculator

Imagining people whipping this out and using it to calculate their expenses it’s pretty hilarious. Considering we have calculators on our iPhones, this seems useless. There’s a reason it’s become obsolete. It “weighs less than 9oz, is rechargeable, and has a clear entry key.” At least people back then were able to use this with ease! These hilarious ads seriously showcase technology that looks like it belongs on another planet (Daily Mail).

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